Bringing up Bell
Well so many people have told me its time to hit the keyboard with a
newsletter that I am here at last. Late Jan I bought a pup as most of
you know because I never stop talking about her. As always lessons
started happening straight away. She was full on and I was 18 years
older than last time I raised a pup. I stressed out big time. Its bad
enough in a house but a 2.5 x 7.2 meter truck is something else. I have
to walk her for 1.5 daily to keep her and me sane. That for a fairly sedentary person with a bad hip. She also had separation anxiety so had
to tee up with Pete when I left her so the neighbours didn't get whined
out. Took heaps of juggling, heaps of trying to remember what you do to
train a dominant dog, and total exhaustion. I stressed out, had to take
myself in hand and figure out some strategies to give me some space.
Therefore my internal and external world has been full up. Not a
creative thought had time or space to wiggle itself through my brain.
Put on top of that the fact that before taking on Bell, I had organised
myself to teach two back to back courses at the same time.
Well the courses are over, and Bell has learned English and that I am
boss most of the time and fortunately I am still sane but coming out the
other side with still not much in my brain. I think mothers call it
'baby brain'. Same deal different species. Indeed I was feeling very
old, past it, over the hill etc etc.
Turning 65
Then I turned 65 on the 23rd June. I was ecstatic. Pension to take the
ouch out of the finances. All my working life I have struggled with the
issues of health and money. Not that strong, I have been prone to bouts
of sickness frequently. I have chosen an alternative field to work in
which is dependant upon people having the money to pay me as the Govt is
still back in the dark ages where psychospiritual therapy is concerned.
As a result I have pretty much lived week by week, hoping about of ill
health wouldn't upset the financial balance. I have learned a lot about
trust. And so, for the first time I am legally allowed Government assistance and it feels sooo good. At last the weight would be spread
and I had a bit of help. I don't want to stop working, and I wont yet,
though there may come a time when that is what I need to do. But I can
ease back, and I am. So for the rest of this year I have decided to
instigate no more courses, talks, or workshops. I will just toddle along
with my small practice and enjoy some space and keep bringing up Bella.
If you need sessions, or know anyone else that needs them, I'm here for
you all, but I will be limiting it a little in keeping with my current
need.
Dec 21st
......Because I have a feeling that the world is waiting. I know I am.
Its like a great big holding of the breath waiting for what happens
next. Funny thing is its happening now. We don't have to wait. But the
human race has set a trend in motion. We have created a meme that says
something is going to happen on the solstice 2012, and whether it does
or not, there is an expectation that it should, and probably will occur.
I have no idea what to set in motion this year, even if I didn't feel
like I needed some slow time. I don't know what's going to be important to
me or anyone else in the world of 2013. Is it going to be the same as
it is now? Is something spectacular about to occur? Or will we quietly
change the world over time? Still I feel like I don't have enough
information to plot my course from here, and many people I have spoken
to feel the same. So the only thing I can do is live in the NOW and
allow a blank space for the near or far future. Truly that what we have
to do anyway because we never know what the future will turn up in the
next nanosecond. But it is hitting home bigtime for me as we approach
this mark we have created in time. There's a feeling that its too late to
change much (although that may not be true for some if they get a
wriggle on). Do we have enough food in the garden? Do we have enough
water in the tanks and reservoirs? Do we know our neighbours? Does it
matter? I don't know. So it feels like a time of radical acceptance of
where we are all at here and now. If you haven't done it, drop it for
now. Who knows if you'll want to anyway in the new world that might be
around the corner. It feels like its not a time for regrets, or blame,
or guilt. Feels like judgement day in a way that says "take stock and
let go of, and see what arrives next". Because we are all new people
every moment! There is no point in contemplating the 'either' 'or' while
waiting for the 'and' to arrive out of nowhere. Its arrival will change
who we all think we are, as it always does. WE become who we never knew
we could.
Well on that note, I wish you all the presence you need for who you
currently are. With luck and good management I'll get to meet you soon,
whoever you become. Til I have the inspiration to share with you again.
Bless you. Jay!
