Bringing up Bell
Well so many people have told me its time to hit the keyboard with a newsletter that I am here at last. Late Jan I bought a pup as most of you know because I never stop talking about her. As always lessons started happening straight away. She was full on and I was 18 years older than last time I raised a pup. I stressed out big time. Its bad enough in a house but a 2.5 x 7.2 meter truck is something else. I have to walk her for 1.5 daily to keep her and me sane. That for a fairly sedentary person with a bad hip. She also had separation anxiety so had to tee up with Pete when I left her so the neighbours didn't get whined out. Took heaps of juggling, heaps of trying to remember what you do to train a dominant dog, and total exhaustion. I stressed out, had to take myself in hand and figure out some strategies to give me some space. Therefore my internal and external world has been full up. Not a creative thought had time or space to wiggle itself through my brain. Put on top of that the fact that before taking on Bell, I had organised myself to teach two back to back courses at the same time.

Well the courses are over, and Bell has learned English and that I am boss most of the time and fortunately I am still sane but coming out the other side with still not much in my brain. I think mothers call it 'baby brain'. Same deal different species.  Indeed I was feeling very old, past it, over the hill etc etc.

Turning 65
Then I turned 65 on the 23rd June. I was ecstatic. Pension to take the ouch out of the finances. All my working life I have struggled with the issues of health and money. Not that strong, I have been prone to bouts of sickness frequently. I have chosen an alternative field to work in which is dependant upon people having the money to pay me as the Govt is still back in the dark ages where psychospiritual therapy is concerned. As a result I have pretty much lived week by week,  hoping about of ill health wouldn't upset the financial balance. I have learned a lot about trust. And so, for the first time I am legally allowed Government assistance and it feels sooo good. At last the weight would be spread and I had a bit of help. I don't want to stop working, and I wont yet, though there may come a time when that is what I need to do. But I can ease back, and I am. So for the rest of this year I have decided to instigate no more courses, talks, or workshops. I will just toddle along with my small practice and enjoy some space and keep bringing up Bella. If you need sessions, or know anyone else that needs them, I'm here for you all, but I will be limiting it a little in keeping with my current need.

Dec 21st
......Because I have a feeling that the world is waiting. I know I am. Its like a great big holding of the breath waiting for what happens next. Funny thing is its happening now. We don't have to wait. But the human race has set a trend in motion. We have created a meme that says something is going to happen on the solstice 2012, and whether it does or not, there is an expectation that it should, and probably will occur. I have no idea what to set in motion this year, even if I didn't feel like I needed some slow time. I don't know what's going to be important to me or anyone else in the world of 2013. Is it going to be the same as it is now? Is something spectacular about to occur? Or will we quietly change the world over time? Still I feel like I don't have enough information to plot my course from here, and many people I have spoken to feel the same. So the only thing I can do is live in the NOW and allow a blank space for the near or far future. Truly that what we have to do anyway because we never know what the future will turn up in the next nanosecond. But it is hitting home bigtime for me as we approach this mark we have created in time. There's a feeling that its too late to change much (although that may not be true for some if they get a wriggle on). Do we have enough food in the garden? Do we have enough water in the tanks and reservoirs? Do we know our neighbours? Does it matter? I don't know. So it feels like a time of radical acceptance of where we are all at here and now. If you haven't done it, drop it for now. Who knows if you'll want to anyway in the new world that might be around the corner. It feels like its not a time for regrets, or blame, or guilt.  Feels like judgement day in a way that says "take stock and let go of, and see what arrives next". Because we are all new people every moment! There is no point in contemplating the 'either' 'or' while waiting for the 'and' to arrive out of nowhere. Its arrival will change who we all think we are, as it always does. WE become who we never knew we could.

Well on that note, I wish you all the presence you need for who you currently are. With luck and good management I'll get to meet you soon, whoever you become. Til I have the inspiration to share with you again. Bless you. Jay!

December 2011 Newsletter

Yesterday I went to toku awa tapu, my sacred river, Te Uru Wai. Anyway, thats what Pete and I call it. Everyone else call it Pipson Creek at Makarora. How it got our name is a long story involving Tohunga, a piece of greenstone (Tangiwai), a shamanic journey and lots of tears. But it feels really important to go back to that wainui (big water), as often as possible to replenish and be connected to the land through it. I haven’t been here for three years too long. No wonder I nearly lost my connection to the land this year. It felt so good to say my karakia (prayer), do my ritual head washing, and mihi (honouring) to the maunga (mountain). Then I sat by it and allowed it to talk to me. I am reading a novel at the moment about a young woman who finds out she is not human but part of a humanoid species called Immortals. Immortals have magic running in their blood and it is felt as a tingling electrical sensation. As I sat by Te Uru Wai, I got the same sort of feeling, manifesting as a sort of peace, flowing, even flushing sensation. I have been interested in quantum physics for a long time as most of you know. It has been my belief based on it that we are literally made of light particles at our most fundamental level. Knowing that we are, is interpreted by all the spiritual paths as enlightenment. People have called us 'light bodies'. But often it is seen as a spiritual prestige. A sort of hierarchy. A bit like someone saying someone is an 'old soul' or 'evolved'. There is an implication that the rest of us are merely lesser human  beings.  Quantum physics puts the lie to this type of thinking. All matter is made of the same stuff- congealed light. That’s my take on it. We are beings of light, on a world of light, in a universe of light. All of us.

We went to see the movie "Anima Mundi" (World Soul) before we went away. A brilliant film full of truth on oh, so many levels. In part of it, a scientist reiterated that once photons (light particles) were thought to bounce off matter, but that  they now know that photons travel through all matter and become programmed by what they have just travelled through. This means that if you stand near a forest, photons that have passed through the trees and picked up tree-programming, are now passing through you. You are indeed being given tree-ness. Likewise the trees are being given you-ness. You cannot separate yourself off from the energy of anything as the photons are carriers of all things to all things. The trick is being conscious of this transference, and by being so, choose to open yourself up to the information that is being offered you. Or not. There are times when we may not want what is being carried our way. If that’s the case we can, by being aware, make a choice to remove ourselves from the source of those photons programming; such as an angry crowd, or a toxic influence. But there are definitely times and places that our soul is nourished and blessed by, and the photonic spread heals and rejuvenates us. Such a place is Te Uru Wai to me. Such a place is Aotearoa's landscape;  the mountains, the sea, the fields, the lake and rivers. As the photons of light enter my body, my eyes drink in the knowledge contained in the landscape they see. My nose smells it. My heart reaches out for it. "I am the river and the river is me".

Its New Years Eve today. We are on the threshold of 2012. What that means, we are about to find out. The human psyche has made it an important year no matter what it originally was going to be. All years are important surely? We call it two thousand and twelve years since the birth of Christ, but we can take any starting point. We could say it was the 13th billion ABB (after the Big Bang). Or 64.5 AJB (after Jay's birth). What makes any year important is living it, not counting it. And living is an experience not a thought:  being aware of the photons passing through you and therefore knowing who you are becoming.
I wish for you all, this 2012, a year of being fully photonically alive. Live it! Don’t just think about it. Bless you all. And thank you yet again Te Uru Wai for your wisdom. Jay Sparrowhawk Ray